Previous Entries: ArchBook, Pt 1 | ArchBook, Pt 2
I’m labeling this old diary “ArchBook” because it has architectural diagrams on the outside of it. (It’s a really ugly book.) Over the next [unspecified time period] I will post entries from it. The entry below is dated October 17, 1996. I edited out a few introductory lines of meta (stressing out about the structure of my diary-life).
10/17, my 24th year
Quote from HARPER’S, an article on science, physicists like Einstein + Hawking, and searches for A Grand Unifying Theory… and how they echo the pursuits of any other way of Looking at Life {Rel, Philosophy, … }:
To have a workable cosmology is to be at home in the cosmos.
To be in the process of creating a cosmology, a more common situation in a secular age, is to be traveling toward home.
Can you see why I hilighted that passage? And why I see it as like my statement of a few years ago—
I’m saying it’s similar to my
In order to accomplish anything (believe in anything) one must be certain.
In order to be certain, one must be wrong.
Maybe I don’t feel like tying it all together right now — today.
But I still wrote it in this book…
And there’s more:
To begin something like Therapy is to open PANDORA’S BOX in a way. It’s to say, things are not right, I am NOT okay…
That opens things up too wide—
Like, when can that even be shut off?
One of the things that bothers me about everyone + every thing in the world is that it’s not fully formed… People are out there saying that they’re this + this + this . . . and yet they don’t know, like no one knows…
Oh, like I said I’m not fully formed about all this.
. . . some more et ceteras:
Thinking + Doing are antithetical
Everyone out there is walking around not fully formed!
~ ~ ~And how it all affects me or pertains to me ~ UGH!
I’m all like who wha?
Trying to integrate too much .
My goals are too high? ?
some thinks gone wrong 