Hey, Z!

I would like to invite you to collaborate on a blog with me. I believe that ideas are best when shared. There are no real rules; I welcome your thoughts on the condition of life and also hope to generate a few creative products* from this online brainstorming session. I hope it appeals to you.

(*product = another of those dirty words that I like to re-appropriate)

Having said that there are no rules I would prefer you not post violent content. That stuff makes me very unhappy and uncomfortable. I won’t censor you, however; you’re free to say whatever you want. I have changed from someone who agreed with mass consensus that you just needed to shut up on Facebook to someone who now tolerates and often appreciates what it is you have to say. I respect your view and what you are going through.

When I was 24 I posted things online such as:

• 7-8-96:
  Accepting where you are — one’s station.
  Like, I can’t even consider making money or just plain living
  because I obsess over the ramifications — widely in society, the world, one’s
  obligations to others…
  I just feel that the world is so unfair and screwed up … that I can’t even accept
  the reality as it exists.

  1– I think I need to have a regular dialogue with my mother, family, or anyone.

  2. maybe letters…

• 7-9-96:
  if INTEGRITY existed in the world, then people wouldn’t be able to sing
  “TCBY Treats – this calls for a celebration
  TCBY Treats – it’s time to celebrate!!!”
  I mean, most commercials are an assault on human dignity. But it’s okay, no
  big deal, because it’s “just for money.”

So I can say that I relate to the experience of sharing varied thoughts and emotions with “the world.” If Facebook had existed back then I might have put up 30 ideas a day as you sometimes do. And I will continue to share past writings as well as my current thoughts.

You’re still free to share anything you post here on FB. I like the freedom that comes from separating my rambling thoughts from my public FB profile so I prefer to be semi-anonymous on this blog, where I call myself Y. You don’t have to remain anonymous even though I’m calling you Z.

I’m looking for something fun, a way to spur each other to be creative and to think and to write. I hope you’ll say yes. When you do I’ll send you details. I expect we’ll have a lot to say to each other.

:-)
-Y

Mother

Begin forwarded message:

From: Y
Date: May 15, 2011 7:18:12 PM EDT
To: X
Subject: Mother

I happen to feel it’s ludicrous for you and my mother to conspire to say that I’ll never get better. Did you ever think to say to her, “And oh by the way he feels zero support and zero affection for you. I’m his lover, we might as well be married, and the fact that you aren’t open to these things is excruciating for him. So that may have something to do with his lack of mental progress over the years!”

Of course you probably feel it’s not your place to say these things. So why did you share the other shit?!

atheistic certainty?

someone i respect just questioned my ability to state, “i am an atheist.” this person self-identifies as an agnostic and questioned “how atheists can be as certain as the faithful”…

here’s what i responded:

i don’t claim to “know” anything, and in that sense i suppose i am agnostic. however, i do not feel that i am on a spiritual quest and nothing supernatural has ever made any meaningful impression on me. so, in that context, claiming to be “agnostic” seems to be placing religion into a special box where it does not get treated like anything else. there is a plethora of things in which i do not believe. god happens to be one of them. rarely am i ever asked to declare where i stand on numerology, magic, psychokinesis, etc. but on facebook and in life i am asked to identify my religion. if a label is solicited atheist is mine. some atheists have recently embraced the label “nontheist” because they feel it has less stigma and seems to give off less of that “certitude” to which you refer — regardless i use either term in the simplest sense: i do not believe in a god. that does not mean i am not open to changing my mind if sufficient proof materialized.

i would prefer not to have to live in a world which defines a person largely based on religious label. i would prefer to be called a “realist” or a “rationalist” — which to me would encapsulate my rejection of gods, spirits, magic, tarot, psychics, etc.

hell! i don’t even know if animals can have emotions. i honestly do not *believe* that they do. i think we project so much onto their behaviors (some of which are instinctual, some brought about through breeding, and some learned). but i cannot say that i *know* what goes on in the mind of my beloved pet. i’m just saying that if someone asked me i would say that i do not actually believe that he loves me. i believe i love him and i believe his attitude toward me is comfortable, habituated, attuned, reliant. this is my belief and it is uncertain.

certainty

to follow up on the previous post…

From:   Y
Subject: i see you are in a new relationship
Date: May 5, 2011 4:08:28 AM EDT
To:   X
————————-
From:   X
Subject: Re: i see you are in a new relationship
Date: May 5, 2011 12:57:58 PM EDT
To:  Y

I’m seeing someone, what of it?
————————-

From:  Y
Subject: Re: i see you are in a new relationship
Date: May 5, 2011 6:41:32 PM EDT
To:  X

This message overflowed with your usual kindness and concern:

On May 5, 2011, at 12:57 PM, X wrote:
I’m seeing someone, what of it?

No matter what you may think or how you may now view our many years together, I loved you deeply. You were the most important thing in my life.

As you’ve noted, that was not enough to overcome my fundamental depression and overall misery at being alive.

I’m sure you have found somebody pleasant, with a steady job, and whom you’re happy to see. Unlike me who brought you down.

But: I had value. I am honest. I have a clear view of the world. I am intellectually rigorous, by which I mean I examine myself and the claims of others to weed out the irrational. Sadly, i have not been able to use reason to overcome my pessimistic view of life. But I have left behind many fears and prejudices that I once had, including religion.

I do not think there are many people with a mind like me and I thought in you I had found someone who would stand with me no matter what. I am forever broken.
————————-
From:   Y
Subject: So sad
Date: May 6, 2011 12:32:37 AM EDT
To:   X

You erased all your feelings for me

why i would still be willing to get back with my ex*

*even though he probably is not interested in getting back with me.

I’m writing tonight in an attempt to establish the habit and build on what I wrote last night. It is my intention to write this (while I’m listening to classical on NPR — I want to call it “Music Through the Night” although it’s not that, if that program even exists anymore) and then shut off everything and go to sleep. We’ll see. (I’m even using Flux to artificially change the light output of my iMac’s screen for night-time.)

Tonight I went out with M., my quiescent blogmate, to watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race at the local gay establishment.

#suicideisreal

M: A friend of mine’s roommate jumped in front of a subway train in NYC this week. Now is not the time to call anyone “selfish” but rather to think about what WE might need to change about ourselves to prevent such tragedy in the future. I did not know her, but I ask everyone to keep her in your thoughts and stay mindful that SUICIDE IS REAL.

Y: I think people who commit suicide are the best people!

What Class Warfare?

We all talk a lot about frustration with those who “vote against their economic interests,” but apparently (and this is from the 2010 Republican/Tea Party wave) folks do seem to get it, as seen in this chart from Balloon Juice:

 

 

I mean, at least the poorest folks seem to get it, those smarties! :) We Democrats just need to work on the $50,000 – $100,000 folks, and perhaps even the $100,000 – $200,000 folks. Those earning over $200,000/year are probably unreachable, and should be taxed, Taxed, TAXED! YAY CLASS WARFARE! YAY!

(We’re already having one that the Dems/poor are losing, so why not make some lemonade out of it?)

’splain it to me!

How can an ardent Republican give a shit about gay equality? It blows my mind.

OMG internet silliness

So, I’m going through my Twitter account (never did make it to lunch yet) and found this bizarre thing called @confessionwall which is following me. This tweet caught my eye:

I confess that sherry ann walker is a slut, she dating a guy name rob but she is sleeping with 3 other guys as w…  http://bit.ly/g5WDTF

Obviously it’s unrelated to anything. And it’s in Manitoba, I discovered by following the link. And I don’t know any Sherry Ann Walker. But it made me laugh!

(The infamous Ms Walker is in Manitoba, but the Twitter feed claims to be based in Munich!)

I read it in The New Yorker

Right now I’m reading two articles at the New Yorker online:

• Review of Broadway’s “The Book of Mormon” by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The review is oddly written and seems disappointed in the lack of meaning to the musical. But I’ve learned not to expect profundity from the South Park guys. To me it is enough that they find success poking at the things they do. Like an abstract artwork, or much of the literature I enjoy, the lack of a defined point of view in their cultural product is sometimes a good thing. One great thing I got out of this review: ‘The actual Book of Mormon, whose hieroglyphs Smith “translated” while peering at peep stones in the bottom of his hat, lives up to Edmund Wilson’s estimation of it as “a farrago of balderdash.” ‘
• Paul Haggis vs. the Church of Scientology. Haggis, Oscar-winning writer and director, publicly broke with the Church of Scientology over its poor treatment of gay people, specifically its support for Prop 8 repealing gay marriage in California. This article is over 20 pages long, so I’m going to save it for later. Lunch time!